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[01 Feb 2002|12:14am]
me and aja arent starting a bad.
were starting a band.
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take it back old school smashing pumpkins [01 Feb 2002|12:09am]
[ mood | accomplished ]

today i had a great day.
im talking about the COOLEST day one could possibly imagine.
oh yeah thats right.
back it up bia bia.....
im a badass mofo.
im such a thug.
arent you jealous?
i am even jealous of me.
did i mention that today was beyond rockin?
no i didnt so i think i will say it again.
maybe not...i dont want to curse myself.
anyway....me and aja hung out and it was "wicked" cos im soooo hardcore like that [inside joke, what]
all i gots to say is watch out musical world, cos aja and her recorder are gonna take you guys by storm. heh.
silly little girlies.
me and aja are starting a bad. its the emas. its gonna be rad.
we need groupies.
ommmmm i <3 jason.
i still cant believe after all years were finally here and he's my best friend and boyfriend and its amazing.
i never could be this happy, i thought.
wow, i was wrong.
sorry world for all my dubious doubting....ha, that didnt make sense? hmmm oh well.
so today on the way home...i was listening to my ghetto radio
[g a h]
annnnnd i heard that damned "sorry ms. jackson" song...and i had to listen.
it reminded me of old times.
and i thought about all thats happened and past, and im glad its all passed...but wow, those were some times.
and you know i did some stupid shit, but im glad i did it cos...well it made me just be.....who i am now? corny. yeah.
but i just realized how much everyone has changed and how i've been around all these things that just arent me....and i still stayed me...and that my friend, is completely rocking.
so bad ass.
you cant touch this.

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you say like too much, im shakin at your touch [30 Jan 2002|05:54pm]
the lines are blurring
and making it hard to see
what you seem to me doing
around me.
sometimes i just get so frustrated and i feel like that no matter where i go, nothing or no one can help me.
and sometimes when im around him i feel so like im not there
but yet i know he sees me.
but....its almost not enough....but more then enough at the same time.
what is wrong with me.
5 comments|post comment

manifesting.around.everyday.functions [29 Jan 2002|07:54pm]
[ mood | ecstatic ]

so i went and watched jason play the drums.
and i worked things out with jenny...whoop whoop.
well there was nothing to be worked out...just stupid people talking stupid things..yeah.
sooooooo anyway.
im so happy.
its funny.
i giggle like a school girl.
help me, please.
today this girl named sheqoyia [spell] told me that i looked like one of the fashion people on mtv [EEEEEK]
i said "oh really, whys that?"
and she responded with b/c you always wear "funky" things that never match and it always looks cool.
so funny.
i said "what do i wear so funky"
and she replied to well those fishnets and pink shoes and that skirt and everything....its all mismatching but it looks so cool.
all i could think of was....ahhhhhhhhhhhhh why me dear god.
but ha, on the bright side of things i could get a job at mtv?
or not...yikes.
not my day?
ohhhhhhhhhhhhh and not too mention i was talking about how i almost wrecked because i was rockin out to some ole std...and then melissa [mucho preppy friend] said
'OH I <3 STD'....i said what???
no no.
trendy emo brats...gah.
oh well.
jason kisses me good.

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im.full.of.new.found.glory [27 Jan 2002|08:21pm]
[ mood | touched ]

a think a long time ago all of this seemed a little different
and now with my mom telling me that i use her
and that i dont care about anything but myself
and that im nothing but a liar.
i find that funny...because i use her for what?
i dont get money from her....
and she is the one that TELLS me to leave on the weekends cos shes goin out.
this is all so confusing
and all i want right now is too many things..
i cant write anymore...nothing comes out.
and everything sounds the seem.
all i want right now.
is jason

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the world threw me away today [24 Jan 2002|05:38pm]
[ mood | awake ]

i ran over a squirrel today
it made me cry.
ashley wont quit stalking us.
and i miss josh.

1 comment|post comment

falling.for.you [21 Jan 2002|05:10pm]
[ mood | indescribable ]

holy cow i think i've got one here
now just what am i supposed to do
i've got a number of irrational fears
that i'd like to share with you
first this loser battle goats like me
hanging around with chicks like you
but i do like you and another one
you say like too much
but i shake your natural touch
i like you way too much
my baby i'm afraid i'm falling for you
i'd do about anything to get the hell out alive
or maybe i would rather settle down with you
holy moley baby wouldn't you know it
just as i was bustin' loose
i've got a goat here in my rock star part
get fat alone with you
'cause i'm a burning kennel
you're a gentle mutt
teaching me to lick a little bit kinder
and i do like you you're the lucky one
no i'm the lucky one
i shake your natural touch
i like you way too much
my baby i'm afraid i'm falling for you
i'd do about anything to get the hell out alive
or maybe i would rather settle down with you
holy sweet god damn you left your cello in the basement
i need my hand to bow the stars
and tried to play a tune
i can't believe how bad a soft kiss to you
what could you possibly see in little old preschool me
but i do like you and you like me too
i'm ready let's do it baby

5 comments|post comment

[21 Jan 2002|12:21pm]
[ mood | aggravated ]

so old.
so old.
this is all so old.
i dont get how my mom could even say that we will "wait" on your dad to talk about this.
how could he even punish me?
he doesnt live here.
he doesnt talk to me.
he doesnt even attempt to look my way when he comes to get my brother...so how could he have the right to ::punish:: me.
i have two dads and neither one of them know how to use the phone.
how fun.
and i thought you didnt care...........you stopped talking to me....?

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[19 Jan 2002|03:56pm]
jason is my boyfriend?
5 years of wanting to be together, but always having bad timing.
and now here we are.
5 comments|post comment

not too tragically hip. [passthecigarrette] [18 Jan 2002|03:16pm]
[ mood | annoyed ]

this whole situation is beginning to be repetitive...and im not thinking i can do it.
who was i fooling?
me in a relationship.
im not a good girlfriend
even thou i so desparetly want to be.
i want to be in a relationship, i want to be in love.
but alas, im afraid im too wild...cos this is seeming ridiculous to me now.
too much of everything going around.

2 comments|post comment

[16 Jan 2002|04:38pm]
[ mood | recumbent ]

jason ran away with my <3.

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[14 Jan 2002|01:04pm]
[ mood | weird ]

last nite my dad left.
good bye.
no more dad.
im a mixture of things right now.
im able to do what i want now.
to an extent.
i <3 jason.
i've always hearted jason and today was just great.
he was my best friend forever
and then joanna caused our not going out
due to me trying to be a "good" friend.
i thought that was what best friends did.
but then she backstabbed me
and all i had was no best friend and what could of been the best boyfriend ever.
and then chris was in the way.
and then all jason's girlfriends.
and now.....everything is working out.
and its good.
but my dad is gone.
and theres this big empty space in my house.
relieving and scary.
now i wonder who will yell at me for the careless things i do.
and i wonder how my mom will hold up.
i hope this is all easy on her.
i <3 jason.
10-high is coming to jax.
ultimateness to the max

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this.is.what.im.here.for? [13 Jan 2002|03:25pm]
so last nite was not a fun time at work.
the people that i work with are bastards.
they all lie, and try to get people fired so that they can have more hours.
its amazing...i mean i already go to one highschool? need i have another one...no.
i do not think so.
so im thinking of becoming a lesbain or something.
im really questioning it...cos boys...well they just blantly suck.
but i dont i will.
i do like boys too much, i think.
there just so pretty.
humm. anyway.
these days are becoming so monotonous.
everyday is like the next....well in a sense.
even with all my sporadicness and exceptionally craziness...days still seem the same.
long and repetitive.
sorta like my moms constant speeches.
ho-hum, so much cant be the same.
and i cant feel like this all the time.
feeling like this is becoming bothersome.
im needing someone
for little things.
but i think no one cars.
ahhhh 10-high show coming up.
this is what makes life great.
10-high shows.
1 comment|post comment

blowing.powder [09 Jan 2002|09:49pm]
[ mood | groggy ]

if i would let you
break me down
i know you would
with your words
you'd let them
drip off my ears
adn the reminder
of you
lingering beneath
my nails
because of how hard
i held you
when you wanted
me most
the last smile
etched somewhere
beneath actions
that left long ago
strip away the only
piece left
covering the exposed
innocence of dark eyeliner
rip it away
and stitch me together
girlieness to the core
and transcending past what
i thought
you once where
to discover the only
thing left of me
is the faint traces
of smeared lipsticks
and the white lines
displayed on your
broken glass.

1 comment|post comment

borrowed.hearts [09 Jan 2002|05:35pm]
take it over and over
eat around the
pieces that
look like they've
been through hell
and when you see
close your eyes
and feel them burn
with the only
thing you ever knew
prick away the flesh
to make it easier
for you to see
how my insides
are looking nowaays
smell the incredible intensity
of how your life
got in the way of mine
put my heart in a
plastic bag
and save it for later
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today is fine. [09 Jan 2002|03:36pm]
[ mood | artistic ]

school started back up yesterday.
im kinda glad.
this means only 5 more months till graduation.
i have my usual people i compete against for better grades in all my classes. this should be fun.
im gonna kick ass.
so im so in love with finch right now. i listen to them 24/7 all day everyday.
everyone should listen to finch cos there amazing. beautiful.
i love LOVE love them.
swell group.
more later..i spose.

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xscreaming infidelitiesx [06 Jan 2002|07:43pm]
[ mood | awake ]

so i have the best view ever at work.
and im so grateful for that.
cos i just dont know what i'd do, all those hours that i dont want to be there, if i couldnt look at the waterfront.
but then again, theres always a major downside to that...like today.
i stepped outside, and just stood there, looking at the water.
and the sky.
and everything seemed so great.
the sky was melting into all these colors,
and it was like my feelings were melting into this whole big emotion of carefreeness.
it was a perfect day today.
not too cold, and not hot.
and it was so breezy............the wind in my hair
reminded me of riding around with becca and heather, all those starry nights on the beach.
kicking around sand and yelling at boys we dont know.
before everyone started growing up and acting all married like.
but today was great.
and all i could do all day was wish i was surfing.
just to break one wave, just one.
last nite was a trolleys nite
the mass grouping of the class that graduated last year, and the graduating class of this year.
=a lot of drunk, preppy kids.
what a riot.
i fucking hate this place.
followed by a late nite waiting on kinesis to spin.
that was a pain in the ass.
and today i fought with some guy i dont know....could someone please explain to me how christopher carrabba doesnt have talent? cos im DYING TO KNOW.
hello hes like.............friggin awesome.
some people, i tell you.

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i just downloaded deftones? i think im a loser? but i like one song..too bad. [05 Jan 2002|03:09pm]
[ mood | amused ]

im too tired to think
but i wanted to say
that the way your
taking me apart
and throwing me across the room
is making it even harder for me
to put myself together
so if you have the time, could you please tell
me where to look
im too tired of this
im much to not able to begin thinking about this right now.
its way over the point of oldness now.
so i think im gonna make this journal thingie not so as much negative...i mean there are great positive things still out there..in..this world..in my...life? right?
they would be.
well, anyway im sure that if i tried real hard, i could come up with some.
so its about that time for work.
im getting smally aggitated with a certain couple of people that just really sometimes makes me feel like im invisible...ahhh. and i know im not.
im the loudest person ever.
you know that person that you always see being stupid and constantly laughing, that would be me...and why the flying fuck wont pictures of me ever stay on this journal....garsh.
manhunt later tonite.
im findin me a man.
im listening to tragically hip and for some odd reason, they remind me slightly of ... r.e.m
i really dont know why, but something about this guys voice just makes me sway in the r.e.m direction...........?
crush with eyeliner.

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last nite on the mass pike, i fell in love with you. but not. [03 Jan 2002|09:41pm]
[ mood | thoughtful ]

today has been an ommmmmmmmmmm interesting day, i think.
om. i went to the mall.
and i saw emo ryan! hee hee hee.
actually it was more like i walked by hot topic and saw him and there and then became quite girly girlish, and flipping outish, and then becca pushed me in there...so i played it cool, and i was like welllllllllll i did want something..
so i bought my cool sweatband/wrist thing...its pink and has a strawberry on it...its xberrycorex...oh yeah...get it? berry core...very core? hah. ok maybe not.
but anyway..the whole time i was in there, i was like wayyyyyyyy avoiding him, due to the embarrassment i brought upon myself the last time i talked to him...and so im trying on beanies cos im in need of one and this guy came up to me and was all like you should get the star one....blah blah, and ryan noticed me.
well, im about to purchase my items when "crawl" by alk3 came on...and of course i couldnt contain my giddiness and started jumping up and down singing...when guess who came and checked me out?
emo ryan.
he was like...this is all your getting? you have to get something else.
i said okay......well i ended up getting another reggie sticker for my car....and then i was declared the coolest and most awesomest ever by ryan for:
a) my glasses i was wearing
b) that i was singing alk3
c) my sticker
d) my pink converses.
i totally left out of the star with my head in the clouds.
massive crushing goin on behind this computer screen
i see stars.
wow that was a lot of rambling.
and im so not even done with my day yet.
walking throught the food court, chatting with becca....someone grabs my shoulder....and guess who this person is...
FREAKING chris thats who.
i was like, ommm hi, how ya doing.
and then i just looked at him and said....
"well this is awkward, and i really dont have anything to say to you...so im gonna leave now...have a good nite"
and with that, i walked away.
and as i passed the corner, turning from him, i just wanted to cry and slam my forehead against the wall.
i just said that?
well, duh. what was i supposed to say.
"hi chris, gee golly its great seeing you...how are you and stacia, i hope you two are swell...yadda yadda yadda"
i think not.
and then the best part of my day
was goin to cracker barrel to see josh, and then backing up and hitting the car next to me, and then well getting in trouble.
all in all a swell day, i do say so myself.
my parents want to talk to me together tomorrow when my mom gets home.
i find this funny, seeing as how there not even together anymore.
irony of it all.

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the get up kids use to be good. gah. [03 Jan 2002|11:53am]
aha.........its like not even 12 in the morning and im up.
goooooooo baruk.
yeah buddy.
thanx to rebecca waking my lazy ass up.
mall time?
im excited cos now i can get those vans that i've been eyeballing for like ever.....yes.......the white ones with the purple irradescent [sp?] v. oh yes.
come to brooke.
at least thats the plan.
becca mustnt take me to the avenues though...i dont think i can bare seeing emo ryan at hot topic.
after what happened the last time.
i...brooke who has been listening to the juliana theory since she was in the crib..........couldnt even answer his question..we were all talking about music and i was discussing how i thought new j.e.w was like so sucky, and he was saying how they rocked and then i just couldnt talk? emo ryan made me feel like a little girl.
it was a massive crush, with major giggling girliness following.
oh that was a sad day.
me not knowing what to say...geez. who would of thought?
*am i asking to much to keep you at arms length?*
my computers soooo nifty now. everythings black. im in <3 with it.
yes i am.
and i would like to take the time to say that this great thing called the internet has let me meet the MOST awesomest people in like the whole universe...[even canada :o)]
they would be

pikie=explodingstars.........how emo are you guys?

yeah i just felt like giving a shout out to my homies.
and i've noticed that my journal has been quite boring, and i promise that i will fix that soon!
and thanx for the brookie wookie picture josh....you really rock my little world...heh.
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